For many people, spring is life, sunshine, and a new beginning after a lifeless and cold winter. Though for me, spring always seems like an end. I may be feeling like this because I’m too emotional these days for whatever reason or may be I’m experiencing too much spring fever…or may be since I’m just too used to having a life style of undergrad, especially the church that I go to mainly revolve around undergrad schedule since that’s the majority.
Living in campus town (Ann Arbor) definitely has many perks. Things are open late, you can walk/run around campus, can get many things for free, especially on your birthday, and there are people everywhere. The down side to this is that people leave usually around this time (late April to early May).
Honestly, last year around this time, I think the feeling of everything coming to an “end” didn’t hit me as much as this year because I was preoccupied with what I want to do with my life, along with wrestling with God trying to seek His vision in my life. This year is little different because I’m living more of a settled-down lifestyle compare to the year before.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m stuck in this limbo of how to define my life (torn apart from having undergrad mentality vs. actually being a full-time working single-adult). And sometimes, I feel like my clock has stopped ticking, while other people’s clocks are still ticking. Honestly, Ann Arbor was the very last place that I wanted to be after graduation. I wouldn’t have stayed if God didn’t tell me to stay.
Wow, I’m getting teary and I’m still at work at this moment haha. May be I feel like this because there are lot of things coming to an end at work too. With my recent promotion (I honestly still don’t know how I ended up getting promoted, other than saying it was “God’s work”), I actually transitioned out from one of the busiest vehicle program that we currently have and moved on to some other program, which is still in early development. I actually have a lot of free time now. I have time to enjoy 30-minute tea time with my coworkers and even have time to write this post at work. I’m really thankful, but at the same time, I’m confused and little depressed because I don’t know what to do with the amount of time that I have. I know that things will get busy sometimes, but I’ve never had this much of free time ever since I started working full-time.
No matter if it’s a happy ending or a sad ending, there is something about “ending” that makes me emotional. Emotional to the point that I blind myself from seeing all the new beginnings that entail with the endings. Most importantly, I don’t want my feelings, these distracting feelings that I have, preventing me from getting closer to God because I want God to be my tomorrow, my future, and my new beginning for this season in time. So please partner up with me in prayer for me to get excited about this new season and what God has in store for me.
time machine 